Thursday, June 22, 2017

Reunification

The subtitle of this blog may be misleading.

This is an adoption blog, because Pat and I are hoping to adopt. But the goal of foster care is not adoption.

When we get a baby in our home, the goal for that baby is to go home - to be reunited with their family. The goal for the next baby is also reunification. And the next and the next.

Yes, Pat and I hope to build our family through adoption, through foster care. But the county's goal, the parents' goal, and ultimately our goal is to get that baby home. We will be a safe place, a loving home, until their parents or grandparents or aunt or uncle or someone can safely care for the baby themselves. If that doesn't happen, we will have the option of adopting them.

We have our last foster care class tonight - which is actually class one since our registration got screwed up and we started in class two. Then we'll work on getting our home ready and we plan to start our home study in October. The home study could take up to 90 days, and then we'll help other foster families take care of their babies until we are ready to open our home.

This might be a long and windy road. I'm steeling myself - both terrified and so, so ready.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry. Hope it's not obnoxious that I'm commenting in every single one of your blogs, lol. There is just so much to share. And it's kinda lonely here. I'm enjoying your blogs.
    So Mike said the single most important thing to me when we began our journey that has guided me ever since.
    Each time we would get a placement, I would tell him to remember to guard his heart and don't get too attached. Remain distant. Protect yourself. When we got our 2nd placement, the one we kept for 3 months, I said this again. And mike said to me, "absolutely not."
    I did not understand. That was what we were trained to do. Advised to do, that's the plan. What are you doing? Mike said that this child has lost love. Someone that was supposed to have provided love, did not. Whether by circumstance or choice or whatever, this child is currently unloved. Therefore, what this child needs is love. And that is our duty. We are adults. We can cope and grieve and learn and heal. We can understand the ultimate goal and work through our emotions. But Mike refused to withhold his love. The child did not deserve love withheld. The child needed love abundant.
    So we loved with abandon. Yes. It was hard. It was/IS brutally painfully fucking hard. But we did not hold back. Bc our duty was to give the child all that was in her best interest to give.
    Somehow, it has helped. It helps to know that my pain is for a purpose. It is cathartic when we lose.
    And now we are facing it again. After we've had our baby since 3 days old until now at 17 months and facing reunification all of a sudden after adoption was the track for so long. I am facing this horrific terrifying journey once again. But we will not hold back. Because this little girl will break without love. She is worth more than that.
    Perspective helps when your world begins to collapse in around you.

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